Part of you is like, I didn't sign up for this. “There's a lot of emotions that just run through your head. “I just cried the whole way home,” Sarah said. After working grueling shifts for nearly a year and losing patient after patient, rationing oxygen brought the weight of the pandemic crashing down and sucked her into darkness. For doctors like Sarah, who BuzzFeed News is identifying by a pseudonym to protect her career, tough choices are part of the job, but this time, she said, it felt different. It’s a decision that the 30-year-old emergency medicine physician faced multiple times in just one 12-hour shift at a community hospital in Los Angeles County this winter, forcing her to determine in each case which patient had the best chance of survival. With her hospital overwhelmed by patients with COVID-19 and oxygen supplies running low, Sarah faced a terrible dilemma: To save one person, she needed to take away oxygen from someone else.
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